After Annie: A Novel

It is now two months after Annie’s death, and although it’s springtime, the cold weather lingers. Bill has resumed working because he fears that people in town are concerned about his mental health. He keeps telling himself to get it together, but whenever he thinks he is getting a grip on things, memories of Annie sink him back into despair. He feels her loss viscerally as a pain in his chest. Bill knows that his kids are struggling but cannot manage to be emotionally present for them. He uses work as an excuse to escape the house, where everything reminds him of Annie. Bill keeps Annie’s phone turned on, and although she has many messages, he hasn’t checked them. Dora warns Bill that every woman in town will begin calling him for plumbing problems that don’t exist, but Bill hopes that she is wrong because he still identifies himself as belonging to Annie. Dora tries to push Bill to clean out Annie’s closet, but he refuses. He doesn’t want to forget Annie because “forgetting [feels] like treason” (83).

Bill wakes up early to respond to a call at Karen Feeney’s home and asks Ali to prepare breakfast for the boys. Bill knows that he is not the only one in the family who struggles to be in the kitchen, which holds the memory of Annie’s last moments. As he drives, Bill’s mind wanders into memories of his past. Bill met Annie at the community college. While studying to become a police officer, Bill worked for a local plumber. Annie also attended college but planned to attend a larger school later when she had saved enough money. Things in Annie’s home fell apart, and she began working at the nursing home to help with money. Annie became pregnant and wanted to keep the baby. Around the same time, the owner of the plumbing company became too ill to work and gave the business to Bill, who proposed to Annie. They planned a wedding in just three weeks. Whenever Bill would go to the bar after work and hear other men complain about women, he would always return home grateful for his wife and their life together. Bill buried the engagement ring with Annie but told no one. Back in the present, Bill repairs the Feeney’s plumbing problem. Noticing that Mrs. Feeney is pregnant, he asks if it is their first. She responds that it’s “complicated,” and Bill feels that they have something in common.

Ali returns to school, and her classmates and teachers treat her gently. She clings to her friend Jenny for support and meets with the counselor twice weekly, but she feels uncomfortable because there is a stigma for students who regularly visit the counselor. Ali fears being labeled the “dead-mother student” (99). Although Ali and Jenny are close friends, Jenny doesn’t talk about her life much and enjoys hearing about Ali’s family. Jenny once visited the counselor but wouldn’t tell Ali why. Jenny often comes to Ali’s house but acts strangely when she is there and sometimes lies to her parents about where she is going. Jenny obscurely tells Ali not to answer any of the counselor’s questions because the counselor will try to make her say “things.”

The counselor, Miss Cruz, is kind to Ali and asks her how she is coping with losing her mother. Ali quickly responds that her mother isn’t lost, just dead. Mis Cruz empathizes with Ali’s frustration over the trite phrase, and her understanding makes Ali feel more willing to share openly with her. Miss Cruz asks Ali to tell her about her mother. Ali talks about her mother’s job and acknowledges that Annie gave up going to college in order to raise her. She shares that her mother is good at crocheting, which reminds her of Annie crocheting a baby blanket for Annemarie. Annemarie lost the baby and several others, which made Annie feel guilty for having babies so quickly. Miss Cruz asks about Ali’s dad and brothers, and she lies, saying they are all “fine” when they aren’t. Ali knows that her father cries in the shower and that Jamie regularly wets the bed, and she struggles to carry the weight of the household responsibilities. Miss Cruz notes that Ali’s grandmother lives nearby and can be a source of support, but Ali thinks that her grandmother is selfish and doesn’t help them. Miss Cruz says Ali and Jenny are lucky to have each other as friends. After the meeting, Jenny wants to know everything Miss Cruz asked, including if she asked about her. Ali wonders if she and Jenny will ever have the same kind of relationship that her mother and Annemarie had. Although Ali claims that Miss Cruz is kind, Jenny repeats her mother’s opinion that Miss Cruz cannot be trusted and causes more harm than good.

Annemarie offers to take Ali out for a girls’ day, but Ali asks her to go grocery shopping instead. Annemarie notices that the refrigerator is empty and the house hasn’t been cleaned recently. Bill and Annemarie don’t get along well; Annie was always the mediator. Now, Annemarie pays for the groceries and takes Ali to Olive Garden for lunch, but neither is hungry. At the first mention of Annie, Annemarie becomes emotional. Ali says her father and Ant don’t talk about her mother. Annemarie explains that none of her friendships come close to replicating the bond she had with Annie. She is glad that Ali is seeing the school counselor and thinks that Bill should talk to someone, too. When Ali asks if Annemarie has a therapist, she explains that her addiction recovery group is her therapy. Ali has always known about Annemarie’s problem because she has overheard many conversations about it. Annemarie recalls all the ways Annie helped her with her recovery; Annie came to get her once when she passed out at a customer’s home, and she was also there when Annemarie her pregnancy loss and brought her the doctor’s prescription for Vicodin, which Annie fed to the hamsters. Annemarie tried to pay Annie back by taking her on trips, but Annie needed and wanted to stay home to care for her family.

Annie also made Annemarie wear a rubber band around her wrist to snap anytime she considered relapsing, and now, Annemarie admits to herself that she has been snapping it frequently since Annie’s death. She has an appointment with a back doctor who could give her pain pills, and she snaps the band to remind herself to cancel the appointment. Annemarie leaves Bill a note that she is hiring a house cleaner. After restocking the fridge, Annemarie helps the kids clean the house and prepare dinner, but she accidentally sits in Annie’s chair at the table. Bill is out on an emergency call, and Annemarie wonders if he is seeing the real estate lady who was at the funeral. When Bill arrives home and sits down to dinner, he coldly tells Annemarie that he can care for the children by himself and offers to pay her back for the groceries.

Bill tries to do better by caring for things around the house, but he doesn’t sleep at night and must make lists to remember things. He is seeing a therapist whom Ali’s counselor recommended, but he still wrestles daily with accepting that Annie is gone. When he does sleep, he wishes that he could dream of Annie, and when he is awake, he hears her voice complaining about his failures. To survive, he concedes that he must construct a “memory person” out of all his good memories of Annie, like when she held her newborns for the first time. The therapist offers him a sleeping pill prescription, but Bill refuses to take them because of his experience with Annemarie’s substance use disorder.

Ant is going away to summer camp for two weeks, though Dora says this plan is indulgent. Ant is having behavior trouble at school, and Benjy is struggling with reading. Jamie still doesn’t understand that his mom is permanently gone and is still wetting the bed, and Ali shows signs of anxiety. Bill recognizes that Ant is maturing into adolescence and considers converting the garage so that the boy can have his own room, but he knows that Dora won’t allow such a drastic change to the house. He and Annie had been saving to buy their own home, and Bill mourns the fact that he will never be able to give that to Annie.

Bill answers a plumbing call at one of Liz Donahue’s listings. When he arrives, she leans over, and he can see down her shirt. He is surprised at his resulting arousal. Bill was still dating Liz when he met Annemarie and was at a party with Liz the first time he met her. Liz went away to college and eventually married but got a divorce soon after. Liz returned home to the historic Greengrass neighborhood to care for her ailing mother and never left. Now Liz invites him into the house for coffee, and when Bill stares blankly, she tells him that he looks tired and encourages him to sit and rest.

Green View Nursing Home arranges a small gathering to honor Annie’s death and pay their respects to the family. Bill tells Annemarie that the event is only for the family, and Ali notices their growing resentment of each other. At the nursing home, many of the residents gather in a circle, and Ali can hardly contain her tears when she sees them draped in blankets that Annie crocheted for them. They present a poem about Annie, and many residents share how much they appreciated Annie’s compassionate care. They planted a weeping willow in the garden in Annie’s honor and invite the children to return when it grows taller. A resident tells Ali that she looks just like her mother. Miss Evelyn, one of the oldest residents, says that Annie once had a young friend stay at the nursing home, but it was a secret. Ali knows that this friend was Annemarie; this is one of the stories they kept in “the vault” where they kept their secrets.

At home, Benjy and Ant get into an argument when Benjy complains about the smell of the nursing home. Ant punches Benjy, and when Bill shouts at him, Ant hits his father and exclaims that the service was nice and that he appreciated everything they said about his mom. Bill wonders how he will press on despite his overwhelming grief. He remembers Liz’s encouragement the other night when they had dinner and knows that he must find a way to move forward.